12/09/1960 – 23/02/2019
 March 2nd, 2019

This is not goodbye. We will meet again someday.
这不是永别,这只是短暂的再见因为我们还会再见的。

I prayed.

I’m not a Christian to begin with and the closest thing I did was to attend a Catholic school. But I prayed (and repeated Hail Mary a few times as I was taught).

I prayed for Him to take away mum’s pain and suffering, to welcome her into His arms, and later that day, I lost my mum. Some might say it’s just a coincidence but believing my prayers were heard has brought me great comfort. It meant that we will see each other in heaven.

It has only been a week… a busy week no less and maybe that’s why I haven’t felt much yet. There was no screaming and crying, sobbing while I’m on my knees unlike weeks ago when I was in another country, feeling completely helpless to mum’s situation.

I was at work, waiting on samples, telling myself to not cry.

I know the bigger picture is that we will reunite as a family someday but there are moments of sadness when I think about the smaller things in life that mum will never experience. Almost every wedding photographer has a picture of the bride’s mother putting the veil on her daughter but my mum will never get to do that. She won’t see my sister graduate, nor will she see her future grandkids.

She won’t be there to tell me what to eat when I fall pregnant, what I should do with a tiny human. She won’t be there to give me advice, help, and guidance. She won’t grow old with my dad, they won’t get to travel to Europe again like they did for their honeymoon. We will never taste the soup she makes or our favourite dishes again.

I don’t know if I’ll ever get over these moments of sadness or if I’ll wake up one day and have all the feelings hit me at once but for now, knowing and believing that I’ll see my mum again some day is enough.

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